It’s been 3 years since my parents died. It took two years to finally settle their estate (thank you COVID). It’s been almost a year since I have looked at any of their documents. All their paperwork has been hiding out in the attic. It’s a few plastic bins that include years of personal documents. One big bin holds their historical stories, my dad’s World War II papers, my mom’s baby book, pictures, memories.
I decided a few weeks back that it was time to start going through the bins. It was time to purge, and I felt strong enough emotionally to start the process. Before we go any further, you need to know that I am a sentimental fool, I hold onto everything. I attach an emotion to an object. I can’t let things go. I have a whole bin just dedicated to my daughter’s baby clothes. I knew this purging process was not going to be easy. So, I thought I would start with the financial papers and years of accumulated bills, insurance papers and bank reports. I pulled the bin down from the attic and started a fire in the file pit. I was going to purge with a bang.
I opened the lid thinking it would be an easy process of just dropping it all into the pit of fire. Boy was I wrong….
Right on top were all the sympathy cards for when my parents died. I couldn’t get rid of them because I never read them. When my parents died, I opened the envelops but never read the cards. There they sat waiting for me. Deep breath, open first card….wow! For all you who are reading this and sent a card, thank you. Many of you shared a memory of my mom or dad that made me smile through the tears. It was an emotional time of remembering the pain of loss. The cards brought comfort, even 3 years later. Next out of the bin was the funeral sign in book. I looked through that and was reminded of the impact my parents had on their community. People came to pay respects to two people who in some way touched their lives. It was incredibly beautiful. I decided to keep the sign in book. What I will do with it in the future is uncertain, but I needed to hold onto it.
Next came the financial paperwork. I was flooded with memories of dad handing over his check book and how he trusted that I would meticulously balance his check book every month. Sorry dad, I failed you on balancing that checkbook! I loved seeing his handwriting. Next were all their medical documents. My mother was meticulous with keeping medical documents. She wrote down every medication she and my dad ever used. Many of the files contained legal issues that they addressed over the years, retirement documents and insurance information. Items that my parents kept in safekeeping in case anything happened. It felt good to purge the paperwork, but hard too because it seems so final.
We keep things because we find them important. When someone we love dies, we eventually have to go through the stuff. I felt sad seeing a lifetime of stuff be disposed of it seems as if I was disregarding their life work by throwing it away. I still find it hard to shake that emotion. This past weekend, my brothers and I met up for some ice cream and family time. My brother wanted us to look through some of the items he had held onto when we cleaned out our parents’ apartment before they transitioned to the next care level. His box was full of wonderous treasures. In fact, we discovered a family secret that neither of my brothers knew, just because we read the family history that my father wrote down.
I reflected on that family history and realized that our kids don’t even know where our family came from. My great great grandmother was alive during the Civil War! Our father wrote it all down, we have this beautiful gift of history that somehow, we need to figure out how to share with our family, so we don’t lose our roots. I believe that is the biggest challenge of our generation, what to purge, what to save and what to share.
Have you gone through the purge? If so, what did you find most impactful during that time? Did you find out things about your family that you never knew before? Are you still waiting for the right time?
I remember as a young girl going to my best friend Kim’s house. Kim’s dad died suddenly when she was 7 years old. Her mother was not able to release her father’s clothing from the closet until we were almost adults. I found it intriguing as a young person to still see his clothing hanging in the closet. In this modern time, we have so many ways to preserve items of clothing such as making pillows and teddy bears out of clothing. We can take ties and make quilts, we can melt down a wedding band and make it into a wearable piece of art. Have you found a way to still hold onto clothing items without keeping them locked in a closet?
Shes her mother's daughter 